The Joy Of Queefs!

Pretty girl with great fly-away hairAs I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, my partner and I have been using condoms as our primary method of birth control for the last year of our relationship. I listed the pros and cons in the blog post but there was one thing I hadn’t considered I was missing till I watched a scene in a porn movie recently – queefing!

One of my earliest memories of enjoying/being fascinated by the sound of a queef was also when watching porn-the super 80s skin flick The Chameleon (NSFW link to the entire movie on PornHub.) Aside from the big boobs and even bigger hair (including de rigueur mullets for the men) it’s not a bad movie as far as porn goes. I enjoyed it with my partner at the time and we had a quiet night in copying the positions we could (as in the ones which only two participants were involved) and laughing at the terrible plot and acting. My favourite line I still remember to this day was “That’s my wife sucking cock over there”. It occurs at 36 minutes 20 seconds in if you want to experience it in all it’s glory.

On one of many repeat solo viewings (this was before internet porn, people!) there was a strange sound audible at exactly 1 hour 20 minutes in when the leading lady was changing positions from straddling a chair cowgirl to reverse. As she lifted herself off the mulleted man’s member (possibly the best sex alliteration I’ve ever managed to use), and barely perceptible over the overtly loud sax playing which must accompany any sex scene (it’s how you knew something was good was going to happen in 80s and 90s porn) was a delicious, wet, queef.

Upon rewinding the scene a few times, later to be so many times the tape became ‘stretched’ (a problem of VHS cassettes which only older readers will understand) I found the noise turned me on in that good, inexplicable way which you don’t question, just enjoy.

The partner in question at the time didn’t actually queef too often during sex or after so it wasn’t something I fully explored till several years and partners later with someone who could ‘queef on command’. Even later I confessed my love of vaginal expulsions to my current partner who seems to make fanny farts when we have vigorous, condom-free sex. The fact rear entry or the unfortunately named ‘doggy style’ position features top on both our go-to positions may also be a factor, but every time it happens I love it, so much so I felt compelled to write eight hundred words on the subject.

The sound and feeling when your lady manages to produce a particularly wet, vibrating queef around you as you re-enter her is both unexpected and welcome in my book. Similar to a good cum explosion, half the fun comes from not knowing what type of sound might be made, how long it will continue for or how you both might react at that exact moment.

Sometimes it’s met with a growl of animal lust from myself as the vibrating, rattling feeling spreading up and down the length of my cock encourages me to fuck her harder, hopefully prompting additional little escapes of air from her wet cunt. Another time it might cause a moan from my partner, responding to the extra deep thrust which made the sound happen (or possibly the vibration sometimes, too). Finally there are the times which cause us both to laugh out loud and celebrate the absurdity of sex without either of us missing a beat in our pursuit of earthly pleasures.

My favourite for hilarity and sheer dirty sex appeal has to be the queef which accompanies a deluge of cum leaving her well fucked cunt. The sight of my white liquid pouring out of her having it’s own soundtrack it’s a treasured memory every time it happens and it generally results in her having to grab extra tissues and make some type of comment about how much there is or we both just end laughing and giggling in the fun, intimate space that’s reserved just for us after a good fuck.

Many women seem mortified their body could do such a thing to them and sometimes go so far as avoiding certain positions, however enjoyable they find them, just to prevent any such air escapage happening.

Looking at responses from other men on the other hand, twitter polls, reddit posts and other miscellaneous online articles show I’m not in the minority. Most men either don’t mind the odd bit of air leaving their partner’s private parts or actively enjoy it. I found very few examples of men who were put off by it, scared or hated it as much as women do.

So ladies, embrace the fun noises your body can make! At the very least it’s a funny story and at the most your partner might be really getting off on the vibrations and sounds he’s responsible for you making!

Queef – When the small unicorn that lives in your vagina sneezes

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