For the final part of this series I wanted to close by hearing any suggestions anyone else has. Perhaps things I’ve not yet tried such as swinging, sex clubs, erotic getaways or anything else I might have missed. If it’s something that interests you, let your other half know-they can only say yes or no. And you never know, it may be something which has been on their list too.
Open and honest communication is the point I’m trying to get across here. There’s always an appropriate time and place to talk about these things-when your parents are visiting is obviously not one of them.
I’ve found after sex or even pre sex communication, if you’re chatting online etc to someone with the idea you’re going to hook up the two best times. Before sex you can check whether your goals/tastes/fetishes/kinks are similar and whether it’s going to be memorable night or a forgettable one.
During sex is possible, but risky. You might suggest something they’re not into but they don’t want to let you down so they go through with it anyway. The lack of enthusiasm and general awkwardness of this situation can be off putting and may even lead to you to think you’re not into a particular kink as much as you thought you were.
After sex is ideal in my opinion. Especially if it’s been good. You’re both relaxed, vulnerabilities are out of the way. Some awkwardness may have returned but, hopefully, you’re both in a more trusting place than you were before sex.
Ask each other how it went. What did you enjoy, did any of it hurt, what was bad. You don’t need to go into an in-depth analysis but talking about things can really open up some kinky discussions in my experience. Either that or they make just one too many jokes about something indicating a level of interest in a particular kink (this was how I figured out an ex was really keen to try watersports even though she never said so explicitly).
A couple of great resources to get you talking are a quiz Let’s experiment and We Should Try It (they’re both quite similar). I recently tried these and it was eye opening even after being with my partner for years and years that there were certain kinks she’d like to make more regular in our ‘list of kinky stuff we do’.
So, like the title says, over to you! Get talking with each other. Not just about what you want, but what are absolute no-gos for you. You can even give reasons and a good partner will respect these, perhaps leading them to stop nagging you to try something in a passive-aggressive annoying fashion. It may even turn out that they were only ‘no-go’ with a previous partner and, after an open and honest discussion, you find something new about yourselves and each other. Over to you, let me know how it goes!
Open and honest communication is key before, during and after exploring a kink. Use your words!