This is such a simple idea some of you may already be doing it but I wanted to share some thoughts which I’ve found to be as important as any of the others in this list when it comes to exploring new things, if not more.
Stupid. Little. Gifts.
That’s it. Just a random something every now and then. Something personal. Something silly. Nothing expensive or grandiose. Just a gesture to show you’ve been thinking about them and a small part of your waking time has been devoted to ordering/buying/making them something you thought they’d like.
The internet is an amazing place to find all sorts of personalised gifts from sites such as Not On The High Street to Etsy. Or finding the materials or ideas to make something personal if you’re particularly low on funds. The gift is never about the monetary value, more the personal value.
My other half did this for me once when I was feeling a little bit down over various things and it was, hands down, the best gift I’ve ever received. It was a box filled with silly things. Sweets, comics which reminded me of childhood, daft toys and cards with beautifully personal messages.
The fact it was so unexpected added to how meaningful it was. There wasn’t a special occasion. It wasn’t my birthday or Christmas. She just wanted to do something for me to show she cared.
It’s the only time I’ve ever cried happy tears in my life.
Since then buying each other (and some our friends and family) a gift box every now and then has become something we do. To cheer them up. To celebrate with them in their good times and reassure them in their bad. To let them know it doesn’t have to be a particular day, holiday or season to let them know they’re in your thoughts.
To read this may not sound like much, and it deviates a bit from the normal kink categories of this blog but bear with me a sec.
How can you expect someone to find you attractive and desirable if you don’t do anything for them? And how much harder is it to reciprocate when your partner does nothing for you and is lazy with your affections?
Do you really think it’s easy to go from sitting at opposite ends of the couch half watching Netflix and half staring at your phones to amazing, life affirming crazy kinky sex with just a suggestion or two?
Real relationships take work, as they say. But if it’s real love it won’t feel like work. Buying the various bits and pieces to make their day or waiting to see them smile when you present them with your gift will feel like a fun task. It’s the warm, fuzzy equivalent of the sense of sexy anticipation when you’re about to try something new, something daring.
I firmly believe that by sharing yourself more lovingly, you’ll be able to share yourself more sexually. Your partner may become more open to things when they know the effort you put in to the relationship. Not always, of course-some things may always be a hard limit for them. But by being closer you can talk about it and understand each other’s reasons instead of festering hatred for some unimagined slight at their unwillingness to indulge you.
Sharing is caring, as they say. And a caring relationship (at whatever stage) is a more open relationship. Open to more exploration.
Never stop doing little things for others. Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.